I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize