I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
