Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
