i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
