I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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