did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
