Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
