So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
