Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
