Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
