Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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