needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
