It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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