I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize