shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
vagina is talking i cant
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
