Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
