after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
