yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
