Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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