They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
