I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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