Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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