period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
