dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
