She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
