I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Fuck appropriateness.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
only you would photoshop your dick
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
