You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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