.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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