This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
