When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
