Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
