at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just gift wrapped bread.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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