Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think your dad took our porno
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
