yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
