So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
