So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
