I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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