I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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