oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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