I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
