I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
