The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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