I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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