Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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