Just fell off a train. Bad.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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