the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
