Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
