Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i wish my penis had a tongue
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
