i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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