I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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