I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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