hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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