I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
