I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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