God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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