You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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