"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
