Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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