You just made me feel so damn special
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
