Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
