I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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