I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize