Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
