Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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