in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
