I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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