it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
