after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
