Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
