you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
