my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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