I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
