very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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