Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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