Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
