I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
