I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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