dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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