My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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