I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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