just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
