My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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