ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I believe in your delicious
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
