I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
