At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
