Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
