dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
