Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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