Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
