True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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