How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Couch. On fire.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
