im drinking this country out of the recession.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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