I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So apparently I’m into choking now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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