If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
