You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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