My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So much Jack, so little girl.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
