susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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