Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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