i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
